Total Possibility

“Self trust is the essence of heroism.” — Emerson, “Heroism,” Essays: First Series (1841)

Confidence is a lot like money- the more you have the more you can get, and the less you have, the harder it is to make enough to survive.  There are some people that I have encountered that are the “Bill Gates” of confidence.  They have all the confidence in the world at their disposal, and they can seem to do anything.  Our culture admires these people that seem to have a bravado to accomplish whatever they want to, no matter how difficult or seemingly impossible. 

Lots of confidence

 Others who I have encountered have everything going for them, they are smart, funny, good looking, come from means, etc., who have a hard time making it in this life.  It is funny, confidence makes all the the difference.

I remember the first time I asked a girl out- her name, let’s say, was Sandy.  (It wasn’t Sandy, but let’s just say it was.  I still remember her phone number by the way.)  I was in Jr. High at the time in Texas- 9th grade I believe.  I had a crush on this girl for a year or two before this, and finally, after a couple of years, got the gumption to ask her out.  I had to have my best friend Daryl by my side as I picked up the phone and dialed those numbers.  I remember we sat on the floor in my room.  I trembled as I dialed the number- 354- etc etc etc.  Sandy picked up, and in a weak trembling voice I asked her if she wanted to see a movie later that week.  I had no game.

I wouldn’t have gone out with me either- timid shy- sort of like the character Gil on the Simpsons who totally lacks any kind of confidence at all.  I believe Sandy said that she had to babysit or some other convenient excuse, to which I replied with a hearty “that works!” and slammed the phone down.  Biology class was very awkward the next day.

Gil has no game- or Confidence

Confidence in yourself, and your abilities, is essential for success in this culture and in this life.  Again, confidence is like money- if you have lots of it, you can get more, and if you don’t have much you won’t find it on the street or growing on trees.

However, like money, it is possible to grow confidence- to earn more of it- to make it grow and to invest in yourself in order to be able to have more of it.  Confidence in yourself, like money, opens the doors to more opportunities and options.

So how do we reach that brass ring of confidence if we have little or none?  Simple- we have to accomplish something.

Achievement always leads us to more confidence- Achievement would be like a bank that we put our money into.  If you wanted to save up for a new car or that house and have no money where do you start?  You start by putting even just a little bit away.  Save a dollar a day and at the end of the month you have 30- that thirty turns into 60 and then you have interest which makes it grow even faster.  The more you have in the bank, the more you make off of interest.  Achievment is the same way. 

The Bank of Achievement 

Rather, the key to achievement is goal setting and accomplishment.  If you don’t have much confidence in yourself at this point, set short term goals that are easily accomplished.  When you begin to accomplish small goals, it builds confidence, which in turn lets us accomplish more than we had before.  Once that ball gets rolling, it begins to gain momentum, and the goals that we set and accomplish gets bigger, which in turn gives us more confidence.

So what would an appropriate goal be to accomplish if you don’t have much confidence- let’s say you want to read a book- you don’t like to read but you want to increase your knowledge about something, or read a novel for a study group.  If you simply set the short term goal of reading 10 pages a day, you will have a book read in two weeks.  When you get that book read, it will give you the confidence that you can read another book, then another, then another.  This example can be applied to just about any area of life.

The other side of this relationship between confidence and achievement is consistency.  Consistency is absolutely essential.  Cars move down the road because the engine runs consistency- if it doesn’t we have to take it to a repair shop.  Likewise, we have to continually and consistency set daily short term goals to build up our confidence- goals that we can achieve on a daily basis.  As time goes on, those goals can become loftier, and show us that we indeed can build an equity of confidence in ourselves.  When we have more confidence, we can achieve more, which in turn leads to more confidence!

So the solution for those of you out there with low confidence is to set some short term goals and achieve them- don’t try and lose 100 lbs, but try and lose 1 lb this week.  It is amazing what a little consistent achievement will do to build your confidence.  As the Chinese proverb goes- the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step!